When a man and a woman fall in love they desire to stay in the state of connected bliss for the years to come.
I often reminisce of the first years of my relationship with my husband when we would get butterflies in our stomachs each time we saw each other, the excitement that came with the anticipation of seeing one another next, and the sweet memories of our first dates were so magical. We never wanted those feelings to disappear.
Even through the many ups and downs, my husband and I have managed to keep the flame alive throughout the past twenty years. We are actually more in love with each other now than when we first met as teenagers.
Many people ask how that is even possible to have intimacy as we are very busy raising our five children with no family around or hired help. The secret to staying in love isn’t one-sided as it takes consistency from both my husband and I. However, in this article I will share what I have done from my perspective in order to keep the passion growing in my marriage.
RESPECT YOUR MAN...ALWAYS
For us women security is what makes us feel safe and deeply loved. While for men showing respect is the most important building block of all relationships, especially in his marriage.
It’s easier for us to show respect when we aren’t in conflict, but we should remember that it’s amidst hardship that respect counts the most.
Despite knowing this, it’s not always simple to achieve. I find it personally challenging to be consistent with the respect I show my husband. At times, I am so focused on conquering my to-do-list that I forget how important respect is to him.
I believe it’s essential for us ladies to find tools to overcome the difficult moments if we want to keep the connection with our men.
A book that has helped me understand the topic of a man’s vital need for respect is,
“ For Women Only” by Shaunti Feldhahn.
For Women Only (Revised and Updated Edition): What you Need to Know About the Inner Lives of Men: 9781601425713: Books - Amazon.ca
TAKE CARE OF YOUR APPEARANCE
When life is very busy it’s easy to feel overwhelmed and neglect taking care of yourself, but taking time just for you is NOT vain, rather a definite contributing factor to your overall well-being. When you take care of your body, you feel better about yourself which allows you to give generously to your man. This is particularly important in a marriage, where physical attraction plays a vital role in maintaining intimacy. This not only enriches the sexual bond with your husband but also shows him that you care about yourself and value your marriage.
I could never understand the mentality of single women who prioritize their appearance in hopes of finding a husband, but then let go of many of their efforts once they get married.
We all appreciate beauty so why should it be any different after marriage?
I grew up seeing my mother well-dressed despite being extremely busy raising her large family of nine children. It struck me how she could pull it off each day with the little time she had for herself. By her wonderful example, I hold the firm conviction that it’s vital to take care of myself as a married woman and not let the demands of my life overtake me.
Here are some simple examples on how to look and feel your best each day:
Always look presentable. This means don’t neglect the basics (thinking especially of us very busy mom’s here), in the morning make sure to brush your hair and have a clean face. Read my article The 5 Minute Fresh-Face No-Makeup Look for some ideas.
Keep your body clean. In order to stay desirable for your husband after many years of marriage, it's important for us not to let go of our basic hygiene despite being super busy. I use essential oils as a natural perfume. It leaves a delightful fragrance that lingers throughout the day.
Stay in shape in order to look your best. Again this doesn’t have to be complicated nor should it be. Being mindful of our dietary choices and committing to a simple exercise routine is sufficient to stay healthy and attractive . (Read more on this subject in my article Capturing the Beauty of True Self-Confidence).
DRESS BEAUTIFULLY EACH DAY
I have always dressed fashionably, but it's even more important to me now that I have children. Despite the full schedule that comes along with raising five kids, I am committed to dressing with elegance and style each day making it one of my priorities. By setting this as a daily standard, it gives me a real confidence boost. It's also one way I cultivate my self-worth which empowers me to embrace the challenges of motherhood with more grace.
When I take the time to choose outfits that reflect my personal style, I feel more like myself amidst the whirlwind of parenting. This also enhances my mood to be playful with my husband. He often tells me how much he appreciates the way I dress and how that is an important part to keeping our marriage fresh and fun.
KEEP DATING YOUR HUSBAND
It doesn’t matter how busy your life gets, it’s important to keep finding ways to take the time to revitalize your couple. It’s easy when raising our kids to let their needs take over every domain in our lives. As a dedicated, affectionate mother, I understand the value of being there for my children hence my choice of lifestyle. Even so, I know that if my husband and I aren't taking time to connect as a couple our marriage falls apart .
If you don't have your extended family around to help, getting your teenage kids to watch their younger siblings isn’t only beneficial for the parents but I believe it’s just as needed for the education of your teenager. It can instill responsibility, respect and gratitude in them and also an appreciation towards their family if the parents give back and make it fair for their teenage-sitter. My husband and I do this by hosting our son’s friends over weekly on top of connecting with him ourselves. We value making our home a wholesome, stable and fun place for each of our kids and their friends.
Another affordable and equally beneficial option is to take turns with a trusted friend/neighbour babysitting one another’s kids.
Here are a few simple ideas that don’t require too much time away from your kids nor money:
Keep it sexy. Take baths with your husband. My husband and I have been doing this throughout our entire marriage. It’s not only a great way to relax and connect at the end of the day, but also a way to be playful before heading to bed.
If you have a newborn, make your dates at home. If you have older children, feed them first and once in bed, have a candle-lit dinner with just you and your husband. I often enjoy this better than going to a restaurant. It’s also a fun way for my husband and I to cook while having fun together in the kitchen.
My husband and I prefer to go on dates during the days rather than evenings as we are early-risers and not night-owls. We enjoy walks together at the botanical gardens, nature trails, biking, art galleries and picnicking. If you have a newborn, you can bring your baby with you and make them a part of the fun!
My husband and I really enjoy Jazz and Blues music so going out to these types of shows is a lot of fun for us.
SHOW COMPASSION
This should be obvious, but it’s not for some people. With our own personal experiences and perceptions, it’s not always easy to show compassion to one another. By actively showing sympathy and dedicating time to genuinely understand our husband’s emotions, even when we do not always agree with their perspective, we can significantly enhance the emotional connection in our marriage. This effort goes a long way in making them feel valued and loved, encouraging a sense of security and trust. Furthermore, it’s essential to recognize that emotional validation is a fundamental human need. Just as we, as women, often seek acknowledgment and understanding of our feelings from our men, it is equally important for us to extend that same level sympathy and consideration towards our husbands.
We put so much effort in courting each other before marriage, when in reality prioritizing our couple has to happen after we exchange our vows so that we can have an intimate beautiful long-lasting marriage. Most people marry with the intention of being together for a life-time, so we shouldn't rely on improvisation. We must be intentional about creating daily habits that bring us closer to one another which also make the tough times easier to withstand.